-1-
Milli put the finishing touches on the tiger’s fangs after recess. She examined her work with satisfaction: Suitably fierce for her purposes. She’d wanted to use finger paint for the blood but Miss Ashmond had said that finger painting was only for Friday afternoons. “You’ll have to make due with colored pencils and that imagination of yours.” She’d tapped Milli on the head as she said it. It made her giggle and blush.
She liked Miss Ashmond, which is why she listened to her instead of just getting the finger paints anyway. She’d tried it out last week and she was just tall enough to open the cabinet now. That would have to come in handy for another day. For now she’d get him back with this.
She had it all figured out. She’d sneak into her brother’s room that night, once he was asleep--around midnight. She knew she could stay up that late as long as she made sure not to lie down for too long after their dad finished reading to her. So she would sneak into his room with the drawing and tape it above his head so that he would see it as soon as he woke up.
Then he’d know how much she hated him.
The teeth tear into his neck. His gaping mouth screams in agony. The tiger’s mouth is open in such a way that even as he bites into the flesh of Robert’s neck he’s smiling at the same time. He enjoys his meal of human flesh and blood. Milli recognized that her drawing skills fell short of creating a likeness so Robert wore his baseball jersey in the drawing. Just in case he didn’t think it was him. He’d have been terrified anyway, just because it was a tiger. Tigers scared him so much they weren’t even allowed to watch the Jungle Book at their house if he was home. But the little league jersey would make it even worse: the blood spattered across the blue and white stripes but the “# 14 Ralfson” was still clearly visible. It was his worst nightmare come true. He was sure to scream like a little girl. If she was lucky, he’d cry.
She wrote out “by” using the red colored pencil and signed her name in the lower right hand corner and went to go play until spelling lessons.
-2-
The plan went perfectly. It had been harder than she remembered to stay up till midnight. But other than that, it was easy. She climbed up the bunk bed and taped the picture above his face then went to sleep in the bottom bunk so that his screaming would wake her up and she would be able to witness her handiwork.
He even cried. She saw the tears in his eyes as he ran towards her with his mouth open so wide she thought for a second that he was trying to mimic her drawing. He cried and screamed and punched and kicked. One got her right in the stomach. That hurt.
By the time Mom and Dad came up he’d pushed her onto the floor and was unleashing a torrent of punches onto her head and shoulders. Dad commanded him to stop - which he eventually did - and demanded an explanation.
Mom came over to see that she was okay. Milli lifted herself up from the floor - bruised but triumphant. Her face was flushed from the excitement. Robert tearfully explained about the picture and pointed to the ceiling.
Dad reached up and pulled the drawing. It looked so small and wrinkled in his big hands. Milli made a face then watched his face change from anger into puzzlement then into something hard she didn’t recognize.
None of this was part of the plan.
He looked at the corner: “By Milli Ralfson,” he read aloud. He said nothing else to Milli or Robert. He just gave the paper to their mom along with a look Milli didn’t see. She examined the paper for a few moments. She took in the vicious tiger, the fangs, the blood, the baseball jersey that so perfectly indicated it was Robert. Her eyes watered and she told them to get ready for school immediately.
Robert and Milli shared a look. What was her problem?
Their Mom turned and walked away with the drawing.
“Did you hear what she said? Get out of my room,” Robert snarled just quietly enough that their mom wouldn’t hear.
“Me? If you weren’t such a girly cry baby -”
“-and if you had friends you’d leave me alone.”
-3-
They each parted into their respective rooms and got dressed for school: she in her plaid jumper and white blouse; he in his khakis and blazer. They had matching Topsider loafers with rubber soles their parents had gotten them for Christmas.
Mom said nothing to Milli on the way to school. She handed her her lunchbox when they arrived to the entrance and walked away. Milli watched her mom and Robert walk back down the street towards his school. Her mom nodded sympathetically as Robert gestured something to her.
Milli was not happy. This was so obviously unfair.
Her revenge was ruined and it was Robert’s fault.
Sure, he’d cried. Sure, he’d screamed. She smiled at the memory as she turned to enter the school. It was just like the time she’d left that library book in his underwear drawer. The cover of the book was a huge Tiger head with glowing yellow eyes. It had even scared her when she looked at it. But not so much that she had screamed, of course. Honestly, she reflected, some people just couldn’t control themselves: screaming and crying all time. Even when they were boys. Even when they were two years and three months older.
She stomped up to her cubby and shoved her backpack in with deliberate ferocity - The whole world would know how angry she was. Then she sat her desk and made sure to slouch in her chair. Miss Ashmond, who was taking attendance, approached her, “And who will be picking you up today, Milli?”
“Deborah - My babysitter,” Milli managed to get out before her face turned hot and she couldn’t help gushing, “Oh Miss Ashmond!” and relating the whole terrible story: How she’d drawn a picture for her brother and hung it in his room; how he had screamed and hit her - so hard! - and how her mom and dad were mad at her now - at her! - and not at him and wouldn’t even look or speak to her any more.
Miss Ashmond listened sympathetically to the end and put a hand on Milli’s shoulder until she caught her breath. “Now this picture you drew,” she said, “What was it?”
“A Tiger.”
Miss Ashmond knew Milli better than that and she raised her eyebrows.
-4-
Milli sighed and looked sideways before saying, “A tiger eating Robert’s face.” She paused. Now that she was telling the truth she had to tell the whole truth: “With lots of blood. But I was just trying to get him back for -”
Miss Ashmond stopped her with a hand, “So it wasn’t a nice picture?” Guilt overwhelmed Milli now that Miss Ashmond knew and she teared up again. She shook her head.
“Then maybe your parents should be mad at you,” said Miss Ashmond. “You did something mean and now you’re being punished. Fair’s fair, Milli.” She gave Milli one last pat on the shoulder and continued taking attendance from the other children.
Milli stared at her desk sniffling. She stewed in her guilt until Math class began. By that time, she was too busy making spider webs out of cotton balls with her friend Jamie Jenkins to think about it any more.
Three days went by without any mention of the Tiger drawing. Milli assumed she had received all the punishment for it she ever would. She and her brother passed into a wary truce so that they could both play with legos in the hallway between their two rooms.
Then it happened. Right in the middle of Recess. Miss Ashmond called out her name: “Milli Ralfson, come here please.” All the girls stopped their games of Tag and Four Square to stare at Milli. She concentrated hard on ignoring everyone and making her ace stop feeling hot as she walked across the gym.
Miss Ashmond stood at the door to the gym with a stranger. She was a tall woman dressed in dark clothes with reddish hair and big square-framed black glasses. Milli looked at her then at Miss Ashmond. “I’m getting picked up by Deborah,” she said uncertainly.
Miss Ashmond nodded and smiled kindly. “I know you are. This is Dr. Rosenberg. She’s going to talk with you and your parents for a little.”
Milli’s eyes widened. “My parents?” This must be bad. “I’m really sorry, Miss Ashmond. For the toilet paper, I mean. Jamie and I will clean it up.”
Miss Ashmond shook her head at the other adult. “It’s not about that, Milli. Dr. Rosenberg just wants to get to know you a little better.”
-5-
The doctor opened the gym door and Milli followed her out. She smiled and seemed nice enough, but Milli didn’t pay much attention. They went into the parts of the school she wasn’t normally allowed to go into.
They went up the back stairs and down a white hallway with grey carpeting. Doors lined the hallway and Milli snuck peaks through the open ones at the adults inside. They all sat staring at computers. No one was speaking. Milli longed for the screaming and the fun of school gym.
Finally, after what seemed like endless white hallways. They arrived at a door that looked just like every other door they had past. “Here we are, Milli.” Dr. Rosenberg opened the door. “And look, Mom and Dad are already here.”
And so they were! Milli had forgotten that Miss Ashmond had said they would be. Milli ran to her mother and hugged her around the waist, “Hello, Mom!”
Her dad patted her on the back.
Dr. Rosenberg cleared her throat, “Let’s get started shall we?”
Father, mother and daughter all sat down in a row on the couch facing the doctor. Milli held her mother’s hand.
Her dad spoke first, “Well, you see, Doc,” he was using his funny voice, Milli could hear. “We can’t seem to get her to stop torturing her poor brother. She just lashes out at him and he’s been having a rough time at school lately too...”
So this was about Robert? Milli thought it odd that they should all be here talking about him, without him here, and at her school.
Her father continued, “She’s just so angry all the time.”
That was unfair and Milli opened her mouth to defend herself. But her mother stopped her with a hand on her knee. Evidently, this was a conversation among adults, and Milli would not be included.
“We’re just worried that it’s getting a little unhealthy,” he continued to use his funny voice, but he wasn’t being funny. “It’s just so hateful at times. Nothing but yelling and fighting. And this thing a few days ago... well my wife and I just don’t know what to think.” He gestured to Milli’s mom who extracted a rumpled piece of paper from her purse and handed it to the doctor.
-6-
Milli recognized it: It was her drawing! So that’s what all this was about. Well, that was easy to explain.
“That’s mine,” she said to the doctor. “I was just getting Robert back. It was a joke.” She dragged the “o” out to emphasize just how much of a joke it really was.
They ignored her.
Dr. Rosenberg examined the paper for a few moments then gave it back to her mom. “Well it certainly is a bit gruesome; but really it isn’t anything too out of the ordinary.”
Just then a buzzing sound came from the couch.
Milli’s mom and dad both groped their pockets. It was her dad whose phone had made the noise and he took it out and examined it for a few moments then put it away. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m being rude. Please go on.” He looked attentively from his wife to the doctor.
“As I was saying,” Dr. Rosenberg continued. “This is nothing out of the ordinary for an eight year-old girl with an active imaginat- “
“Well, that’s just the thing,” Milli’s dad cut in, his funny voice now gone: “Sometimes she’s this eight year-old girl and sometimes she’s this vindictive little terror, screaming like a banshee at everyone in sight.”
Milli stared at the floor. Her mother put her arms on her shoulders and whispered nice things in her ear but Milli couldn’t hear them very well. Her face felt hot and she concentrated hard on her shoes to keep from crying. The adults continued speaking, but she couldn’t follow what they were saying. She knew from their tones that it wasn’t good. She bit her lip so hard she thought it might bleed.
After ten or so minutes, her father and mother got up to leave. Milli didn’t look up at them. Her mom kneeled down and hugged her and explained that Deborah would pick her up from school and they would see her when she got home. She kissed her on the cheek.
“See you later, kiddo,” said her dad, being funny again. Then her parents walked out and closed the door behind them.
She was alone with Dr. Rosenberg.
They sat in silence for a few moments. Then the doctor suggested they play a game or two before she would have to go back to class. Milli agreed since she couldn’t think of much else to do. The games were boring and didn’t feel much like games at all. Milli had to draw a picture
-7-
of a family and talk about what they liked to do - “Play baseball!” - and try to find shapes in splotchy paintings. Dr. Rosenberg was nice but she wasn’t a very fun adult. She wouldn’t stop writing things down on the pad on her desk. Milli was relieved when she was finally allowed to go back to class.
That night was another bad night. Mom and dad were being strict during dinner so nobody spoke. After Milli and Robert went to bed, they could hear them talking in loud, angry voices.
Robert came into Milli’s room and shook her. “This is your fault,” he said.
“No it’s not!” She punched him in the side of the head.
“Yes it is!” He kicked her in the shin.
“If you weren’t such a crybaby...” She grabbed his ear and twisted.
He yelped and jumped back. “Maybe if you weren’t crazy, Mom and Dad wouldn’t have to fight about you.”
She stopped her arm mid-swing, “Crazy?”
He laughed gleefully. “Yeah. Didn’t you know? You’re insane.” He dragged out the “a” to emphasize just how insane she really was. “That’s why they had to call that doctor for you. Because you’re not normal.”
Milli’s lower lip shook. Her face went hot and red and she knew she would cry if she said anything so she didn’t.
Robert kept going: “You’re insane. You’re insane. They’re going to take you away.”
Insane. The word echoed through her head as she remembered the white hallways, the ink blots and Dr. Rosenberg taking notes on everything she said. There was the way mom hadn’t looked at her and the way dad had said, “vindictive terror.”
She shoved Robert and he ran out of her room, singing, “Insane, insane, gonna send you on away on a plane...”
Milli lay alone in her bed thinking about the ramifications of all this. Was she really insane? Would they send her away with Dr. Rosenberg? Away from everything: From school,
-8-
from Miss Ashmond, from Jamie Jenkins, from Mom and Dad. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks.
But after a few minutes the yelling downstairs grew louder and interrupted this terrifying train of thought. Her mother’s voice was high and kept cracking. A door slammed and the whole house shook.
Milli wiped her tears and got up to go to Robert’s room like she always did on bad nights.
Robert was already at the door of his room. His face was red and wet: “It’s your fault. You’re insane and they hate you.”
He slammed the door in her face.
The yelling paused for a moment. Milli held her breath and prayed they wouldn’t come upstairs. After a few moments, the yelling resumed.
Milli’s stomach churned with anger and guilt. She walked as quietly as possible back to her room.
She sat on her bed and hugged her dalmatian stuffed animal to her stomach. Her face got hot and again and she buried in his fur before letting the sobs escape from her mouth so that Robert wouldn’t hear her.
Eventually, the tears stopped. Her face felt damp and her insides felt cold. She listened for a few moments. The yelling had stopped but she could hear quiet sobs from the next room. That crybaby, she thought. He’ll never get to see me cry again. No one will. No one will ever see me cry or be able to call me insane again.
She’d get him back for that. But first, she would be perfect and normal. That way they wouldn’t send her away with Dr. Rosenberg. She would taker her time and be good. Then she’d get him.
