Before Chuck Norris, dipthongs were separate sounds

Monday, September 28, 2009

So I got my certificate to teach English as a foreign language last week. That way I can justify my existence in almost any country in the world except for my own and Britain’s former affiliates. It’s fun being a teacher: you get to get up in front of a group of people and they have to listen to you. What is more, they’ll almost always do what you say and believe what you say as long as you say it firmly enough. I have a skill for saying things with conviction even when I have absolutely nothing to back it up and/or zero knowledge about the subject matter. I’ve always wondered where that skill set would come in handy. And now I know that it’s for telling little old French ladies when they should say “have to” instead of “must.” That’s really what the post-college years are all about: exploring yourself and where you fit best in society.

I also learned a thing or two about about a thing two. Mostly about Chuck Norris (from my fellow trainees) and the phonetic alphabet (from our teacher). But I also learned that grammar can suck it because I rock at arbitrary rules and labels. And don’t ever plan a language lesson revolving around how to talk about your sex-life in English unless you are 100% sure that no 13 year-old Muslim girls will show up just when you get to “How to say you slept with some one.” Boy, was her face (and mine) red.